I keep delaying adding any sort of addition to the memory. Not because the experience was negative. It was anything but negative. It was an opportunity of a lifetime that sent fireworks off in my heart. It all started when I sat at a table across from the mother I never believed I would reconnect with. No experience in life has prepared me to fathom that particular sort of reality.
I picked a meeting place and a time. I picked one of my favorite places within five minutes of my house where I grew up. I decided it would be nice for her to see where I grew up. When I say ‘her’ I am referring to my biological mother. She and I had got in contact with one another about a month or so prior to this meeting.
The weather, although it seems so irrelevant and unimportant, was supposed to be rainy. It was why I chose this restaurant and time. It’s never busy on a Sunday afternoon especially when it is rainy. Lo and behold that very Sunday happened to be the first sunny day in a long time. It felt like nature was letting us know how happy it was for our reunion. However, I could not find a parking spot. Everyone showed up on this day to be outside and around this quaint and lovely part of town. That is why I was late.
I remember frantically driving up and down the streets trying to inch in my car into a spot far too small to fit in. I was nervous. My heart was beating a million miles per hour. I thought if I didn’t end up finding a spot I would have maybe just had a heart attack right then and there. I finally found a spot. I jumped out of the car and started running towards the restaurant. As soon as my breathing caught up with my racing heart I kind of stopped a second to inhale and try to calm down. I walked to the door as calmly as I could possibly pull off. She had been texting me on and off from when I was trying to park to when I had left my car and started walking.
She told me she was seated in a corner with her dad who drove her. I was opening the door and slightly panicking imagining her response with my late arrival. I let it go. All of the thoughts racing in my head I simultaneously turned off. The need for my brain to rest and the space needed to absorb the moment were in motion. I saw her and knew that it must be them sitting in the corner waiting. We hugged and it felt natural. My cheeks hurt from the smile continuing to curl my lips into my face. I was in a daze.
I remember not knowing what to say but understanding that we were both going through the same emotions. An exciting moment and first time to see each other since I was a baby. I wanted to tell her everything and the words were just not coming out. Nothing really mattered more than just being in each other’s presence. A little birdy was perched on the window of my soul singing sweet songs.
Missing feathers 